Positives, negatives and everything in between fickraken

Fick: Interview went okay, I really hope they call me.

Where's Tenshi?

Tenshi is on Skype.

Pos: Got some stuff done.
Pos: Interview tomorrow.
Neg: Feeling incompetent more and more often :/

Pos: Love the new banner ~
Pos: PSO2 IS OUT. ANYONE?!!
Pos: Poke showdown with a irl pal today yay
Neg: Being nagged on

The only thing that always bug me on the banner is Ludoga fingers shadow.

You mean the way they shaded his hands?

Fick: I woke up this morning and started pondering on the fact that I've never experienced legitimate dry heat before. Kind of surprising to realize.

As a Marylander, especially one born and raised on the Chesapeake Bay, I've always dealt with humid-as-hell summers. Summers where it's common to have trouble breathing right off the bat when outside and where ones hair gets messed up due to all the moisture. I think our humidity is easily on par with Florida's....

I've gone two weeks without AC during late August and I've gone through extra humidity due to tropical storms and hurricanes but not once have I honestly dealt with dry heat! Many a time I've heard friends of mine in the southwest (Arizona mostly) and in Texas complain about the heat waves they get and how unbearable it can be but I wonder....

After doing some researching I noticed that most prefer dealing with dry heat as opposed to humid heat and that gets me really curious to want to see and experience for myself. D:

Pos: Diggin' the work you've done Moonie!

Arn wrote:

Where's Tenshi?

Been wonderin' this too. D:

Moontoon wrote:

Pos: Got some stuff done.
Pos: Interview tomorrow.
Neg: Feeling incompetent more and more often :/

Good luck with the interview! And I feel you on feeling incompetent though in my case I think it's more that people expect way too much from me and it's in my nature that saying 'no' is difficult for me to do. As is admitting when something is beyond my capabilities. :/

Arn wrote:

Fick: Interview went okay, I really hope they call me.

Where's Tenshi?

You rang? ...Woah. Looking back I guess my last post was sort of the wrong kind of thing to not follow up on. Sorry if I worried anybody.

Hope you get the job Arn!

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Pos: Dat new banner.

Pos: chatted with Sliv for the first time in a while over the weekend.
well aside from on the forum

Pos: The more my friends and I talk about it, the more I can't wait for Anime Expo in July. Also, Keiji Inafune will be there!!!!!!

Pos: I think I was in dire need of that extra day off over the weekend because for the first time in a long while I feel really good. Nothing's really changed and the day-to-day problems still exist, but my mind is in the right place today. I feel like everything will be just fine and the panic switch doesn't need to be constantly stuck 'on'.

Moontoon wrote:

You mean the way they shaded his hands?

Yeah, they sorta look's like a tattoo on the back of his hand or something. Maybe it's my screen.

@Tenshi: Oh! I didn't see any post of you on the weekend so I was worried indeed.

Neg. Too hot.

I'd put in my air conditioners now, but I've got a self-imposed challenge going where I don't put them in until the beginning of June. We'll put them in this weekend.

Arn wrote:

@Tenshi: Oh! I didn't see any post of you on the weekend so I was worried indeed.

Sorry, I was browsing over the weekend, but never posted. I was pretty preoccupied just unwinding and talking with friends in a chat and over skype and playing games and actually ENJOYING IT for the first time in a week or two. How quickly things can change!

This Memorial Day weekend was amazing, I can't even really explain it. Things just went right - not the things I still desperately WANT to go right, but enough that, y'know, life ain't so bad after all. I have friends that really do care about me and are just as excited to meet me at Anime Expo as I am to meet them. We're all so hyped! We can't stop talking about it!

My best friend also IMed me the other day saying it'd actually now been over a year since we'd come back into contact and "thank you for being a friend", and I responded in kind.

It was... a rather warm weekend for me, and I don't mean the weather. Looking back on it now, I can say that in spite of everything else in my life right now, it's the moments like these that I live for.

Neg: I think I might be a bit too obsessed with Corpse Party. There's something about tragedy that is appealing me.

I mean, if I was in charge of creating a story for a video game, it would be tragic.

Edit: Also, I noticed the new banner this morning!

Idonteven: Two friends of mine in Florida went fer some Mickey D's today and the girlfriend of my friend saw pokemon happy meal toys and wanted some of dat loot herself. So the boyfriend ordered a happy meal for her and when they went to pick up the meal at the window they were met with this...

[spoilerbox="in a spoilerbox because oh my god"][/spoilerbox]

Who greenlighted that?! What were they thinking?!

Fick: I can't stop laughing at that thing even though I'm sure to have nightmares when I crash in a few mins.

What the hell?

That thing is creepy as hell!

McDicks has reached a new low.
Its as if the grudge merged with a lego block and voila.

Oh yeah @Moonie I thought of this later but didn't get a chance to edit my post: I don't know what's made you feel incompetent but you're not. Seriously. Everyone's got their things that they are good at and let me tell you, I think your art is really good, and I admire that. I've never been good at art - my hands always shake and it's seemingly impossible to keep them perfectly steady, so without a ruler all my lines are squiggly, and I've never been able to conquer that. Even if I managed to get a good grade on an art assignment in school, I myself never liked how the piece turned out, so I stopped trying. Art just isn't my forte. The squiggly lines issue also applies to my terrible handwriting too - the handwriting thread from a number of months back is gone now but I do remember posting my terrible, squiggly melnics.

Suikiwiden wrote:

Who greenlighted that?! What were they thinking?!

Well I know what I'm thinking - that is totally haunting my nightmares tonight. EEEEUUUUGH D:

Thanks everyone!

Tenshi - A lot of things, really. I still working on getting better self esteem, and when people tell me I'm not trying hard enough, I get disheartened. I am trying hard, but my best might not be as good as what other people can achieve (and I have legit reasons damnit). I tend to compare myself to others a lot =') Not a good thing, I know. Thanks for your concern. I'm very happy to hear you like my art haha. That's one thing I'm self-conscious about. I can imagine an unstable hand makes it hard to draw and write :[ If you ever try digital art, I can recommend softwares with a stabilizer (like Paint Tool SAI). Makes things easier.

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Pos: Second job get.

Neg: Best irl friend who never visits me is now going to visit a different friend .__. I'm always the one who has to visit her. I don't go out much, and I take pride in my home so I really like it when people visit (also I am lonely *sob*).

Neg: Dat McDonalds box.

Neg: Kishimoto is going to far.

Pos: Fun Abyss run

Fick: Interview changed my life a bit, nothing is as bad as I think

@Moonie rather than saying to "try harder", would it help if I told you to "just keep trying"? I know all too well what it's like for your best to not be as good as what others can achieve. And the following may get TL; DR as the previous statement hits really close to home.

I've had an inferiority complex for quite some time due to the fact I have Asperger Syndrome. I don't know when it happened but eventually it got to the point where I somehow justified keeping my life where it was even though I could never be happy that way. I somehow started telling myself that I just wasn't good enough as an excuse for practically everything. "You don't have the career you went to college for because you're not good enough." "You don't have any friends because you're not good enough." "Just give up on everything you ever wanted in life and stay in this loop where you play video games and only work to get the money to buy more video games, because you aren't good enough."

Now that I've just sort of woken up and stopped that, I now have to deal with all these things I should have done years ago and often feel like I'm just way too far behind the person I had planned to be. Sometimes (like right now) I feel like I can definitely catch up and finally have my life where I want it. And other times I start to lose hope, and I do apologize for those times because I know I can get a little emo.

I'd like to close this post out by sharing the chorus to a song I rediscovered last year. This song meant a lot to me growing up with asperger syndrome because the gist is this, "I'm not perfect - but that's OK." I really wish I hadn't forgotten that message through the years.

I'm not perfect
Not put together
Sometimes I'm lonely
But it's only real life
Here I stand
Cast your stones if you mock me
I know that it's only
You're scared of real life

No I'm not perfect
And I'm not put together

Neg. Why does Hardcore Pawn show clips of what's going to happen in or later in the episode DURING the episode? I have to mute the TV and look away so that I won't be spoiled. It's stupid.

And now I've got to follow TMI with TMI, but Tenshi is reminding me where I was a few a years and where I don't want to still be a few years from now.  

Spoiler:

 Well no one is alone in that, at least!

Pos: Friend's birthday dinner today, I was the one friend he invited.  Got confused for another friend of his with my name by his grandmother!

Pos: Fraternity Brother and pledge father sending me his "Godzilla vs King Kong" DVD in the mail since he's getting the Blu-Ray version soon.  Childhood favorite, until half of our VHS version got overwritten with a Disney Channel original movie none of us ever remember actually watching.   After seeing the 2014 movie do nearly everything I wanted in an actual serious Godzilla movie, going back to a favorite silly one is a nice change of pace.

Fik: GRE studying.  Have the test materials, using the test materials.  Going back to abstract math after a few years is gonna be fun.

Neg: Waiting for a few particular job applications to get callbacks, assuming they won't simply because I'll be more productive that way, and moving into the phase where I start throwing out applications every which way and hope that Bachelor's gets me a second glance.  I knew that was coming, no surprise, just thinning out the places I wouldn't fit environment.

Neg: 6am, slept less than 6h. Ok.

Neg: Had my wisdom teeth removed last Tuesday. The pain is still preventing me from sleeping.

Pos: Finished up touch painting my dual swords for my Ludger cosplay
Neg: The con I went to went by TOO fast... I wish I can re-do the whole weekend.
Pos: Getting a new job soon.

NEG: So I finally checked the tracking number on my Drakengard III Collector's Edition and it says "Notice Left (No Authorized Recipient Available)" when THERE WAS NEVER ANY NOTICE LEFT and then the next day it says it was "delivered" when THERE WAS NEVER ANY PACKAGE AT MY DOOR.

What's more, my mom never got one of her packages and her tracking number says it was "delivered".

...I think we have a rogue mailman. F***. That thing cost me a lot of money too, and it's not something I can just buy again because it was a Collector's Edition.

EDIT: ...oh f*** both packages were "delivered" on the same day. Definitely sounds like we got a rogue. F***.

I'm so sick of everything just randomly going to s**t. I was so happy over the weekend why can't I have that every day.

God dammit now my mood is ruined and everything sucks again.