Positives, negatives and everything in between fickraken

Pos: I'm now on a follow-up list and they'll supposedly call me when an apartment that meets my needs is available. I kinda feel like I made a fool of myself in the process though due to social anxiety and 3 hours of sleep the night before (omg I was a zombie yesterday) but oh well.

Neg: still feeling kinda down. Probably just lonely I guess. Not having any local friends I can just hang out with gets to me sometimes. Almost tempted to just say "f*** it" and book a flight to visit some friends in Tennessee right now.

Neg: I kinda feel like college was my last chance to make lasting friendships with people I don't have to travel a long ways just to meet and I blew it... okay yeah definitely lonely now.

Fick: You stop this s**t right now, brain. I recognize this downward spiral of negativity and I refuse to keep travelling down it this time. I'm hitting the brakes, because I want off this train.

Pos: one of my favorite bands has a new album out and one of the songs hits me so personally to the core that it turns me into a blubbering mess - in a good way.

Pos: Job started last week, and aside from one pocket horror story any lag on my part at the register was offset by the manager or two that roams the store. Go in again tonight, only time this week, probably because the store will not be properly open in two weeks (I was at a closer location last week).

Pos: Fingers crossed that, if my schedule does not already leave me the opening, that I can get the time open to drive over to Missouri for Rush next week. See those guys again, eat House Cook food (I believe its actually her birthday today and she's better than we deserve in every respect)... and with an ulterior motive getting to rip a couple of soundtrack CDs a couple friends have.

Pos: Getting some serious reorganizing done. Petty, but simple pleasures.

Taiyz wrote:

Buying digital music is so fucking annoying.

I just wanna buy one fucking song, but it's only available on iTunes,

I hear this very hard, I practically upgraded to an Android (from a non-smart flipper) phone to get a better portable music, formerly an iPod Touch, just get around iTunes. Straight folders no question.

Chosen Zelos wrote:

Yeah, that can be annoying from time to time. I haven't bought music in a long while since I just listen to spotify every day.

Lol, what song?

http://karent.jp/album/607

Neg: Feeling a little depressed and trapped again because the apartment situation is in a position where it's just sort of out of my hands now. It... really isn't exactly out of my hands because I could totally move like right now if I wanted - I just would rather have an apartment on the top floor, which means I have to wait an indeterminate amount of time.

Neg: it's actually kinda more than that. I've been feeling sort of 'off' and depressed most of the week for what seems like no real reason and I guess I'm just trying to identify a cause. Finding it hard to even keep up a conversation with friends because I can't find the motivation...

Pos: 3 day weekend almost here! \o/

Neg: Ordered a refurbished Wii U straight from Nintendo (figured they were a safe company) and it shuts itself off after ~5 minutes of having a game on. Gotta send it in...hopefully they fix it or give me one that lasts for at least a day

Weird: Over the past and a half there's been a civil war waging in my house; particularly the kitchen. A number of cinnamon muffins were purchased at the start of all this that were eaten not long after. After the first set of cinnamon muffins were gone another set was purchased and quickly consumed and at that point my dad started to comment on it. Apparently in my house, muffins of those kind are sacred and only to be touched by the patriarch of the family. ....That's news to me.

Well anyway a day after he complained about all this he went out and bought strawberry cream cheese muffins of which he consumed ALL of them within a few days. I myself brought up the fact that I didn't get any of em which lead to us having a pseudo argument about whose food is whose like a couple of kids might do.

...Who argues with their parents over muffins like this???? Someone save me! xD

Muffins? Hah! My dad makes a super huge deal out of everything. (And it drives me absolutely insane.)

Tenshigami wrote:

Neg: Feeling a little depressed and trapped again because the apartment situation is in a position where it's just sort of out of my hands now. It... really isn't exactly out of my hands because I could totally move like right now if I wanted - I just would rather have an apartment on the top floor, which means I have to wait an indeterminate amount of time.

Neg: it's actually kinda more than that. I've been feeling sort of 'off' and depressed most of the week for what seems like no real reason and I guess I'm just trying to identify a cause. Finding it hard to even keep up a conversation with friends because I can't find the motivation...

"Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us." -Voltaire

Tenshigami wrote:

Muffins? Hah! My dad makes a super huge deal out of everything. (And it drives me absolutely insane.)

Oh god I know that insanity well! Glad I'm not alone on that!

I did wish to have those kinds of arguments with my dad. My house is just like some sort of reality show drama.

Neg: Feeling suicidal again, worse than this is that I can't find an appointment with my therapist because he's full. I feel grateful that my mom throw away the gun my uncle gave to me before he died.

@Arn I know it's hard. There were moments in the past year where I had similar thoughts. They were more along the lines of me almost wishing for fate to do it for me with a car crash or something (or not even caring if it did) but I'm not going to sugarcoat it - borderline may as well count as suicidal thoughts.

But let me tell you something: stick it out. Because when you keep on going until things finally start going your way it is so worth it! As crazy as it sounds there is no way I could possibly appreciate the progress I am now making if life hadn't felt like absolute hell for the past year.

Arn wrote:

Neg: Feeling suicidal again, worse than this is that I can't find an appointment with my therapist because he's full. I feel grateful that my mom throw away the gun my uncle gave to me before he died.

Well one temporary solution to being able to vent since you can't see your therapist would be to a friend. Even an online one if you so choose.

It's no good to bear that kind of stress on your own for too long. :/

Positive: All moved and unpacked.
Negative: Really sore.
Negative: Some asshole parked in my parking spot.

Pos: Went to an amusement park yesterday.

Neg. Felt nauseous and tired as hell afterwards, and now I'm pretty sore. Probably from all the walking, heat, and hanging onto rides for dear life. I may have also slept funny too.

Fick. Been playing Innocence using Absolute Zero's patch. Pretty fun game, but it feels like it spends more time on story than some other tales games. It also has a lot of skits.

@Tenshi: I have those thoughts more prominent but most of the times I thought of doing it myself.

@Sui: I know, but I'm on the kind of "mood" that I don't want to bother anyone with my shenanigans.

@Lloydzerk: Not in a hell Innocence spends more time on story, the dungeons are not only known for being terrible designed they are known for being boring long too plus when you reach the end you just say "What? That's it?"

And yes, Innocence have a LOT of skits if it's not the game with most skits in the entire franchise.

@Arn as Sui said it is a good idea though to turn to friends when you're in those moods - especially those you've talked to the most, as they're the ones who know you the best.

When we're upset or depressed, our brains start lying to us. Those that know you best can help you spot those lies by countering with the truth.

My best friend online has apologized a number of times for throwing all his shit on me when he's depressed, and I'm like, no. Don't be sorry. I want you to talk to me when you're depressed not just because I care but because I know you. I know what kind of person you are and how your brain works when you're not upset and are thinking rationally, and can use that knowledge to help you snap out of it.

If anyone would be willing to listen, I've got some stuff I'd like to vent out and get an outside person's opinion on. If anyone's interested we can exchange PMs.

Neg: I'm really having trouble trying to acclimate to an earlier sleeping cycle and the dang fatigue is killing any motivation to get anything done during the day.

Lloyzerdk, feel free to pm me.

Pos: Weekend.
Neg: Haven't been able to get my usual exercise lately.

Pos: bbq
Pos: Having too much fun with Xillia 2
Neg: I think my PS4's optical drive may have failed....
I don't seem to be having good luck with electronics lately...

Pos: In less than 36 hours, I'll be back in Waterloo/at school

Neg: Had a really shitty/creepy nightmare last night that made me truly realize the depth of something I've tried to repress. Not entirely sure how to approach the issue in order to move on either.

FML

Suikiwiden wrote:

Neg: Had a really shitty/creepy nightmare last night that made me truly realize the depth of something I've tried to repress. Not entirely sure how to approach the issue in order to move on either.

FML

Well that doesn't sound good at all, Sui. :(

If you wanna talk about it feel free to drop me a line sometime via Skype, Steam, or PMs. If not, I understand - sounds like it's something you're not sure you want to talk about.

In general though remember I'm always open to talk when you see me on Skype or Steam if you wanna get stuff off your chest. Don't be afraid that you may be interrupting something - I don't mind. There's also PMs on the board if I'm not logged in to either of those.

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Pos: Drove on actual roads over the weekend. It was around a neighborhood with very light (almost non-existant) traffic, but they were still actual roads rather than parking lots.

Neg: Wish a friend would stop being so passive-aggressive and judgmental of others. I'm just like this close to snapping as my other friends aren't even really doing anything. Stop taking everything so seriously jeez.

Neg: tired of everything again and wishing I could get away. The same people and the same bull**** every day, with hardly anybody around worth talking to in person.

Negative: Was woken up by a phone call
Positive: It was a phone call for a job interview
Positive: I can see my cats next week

Fick: I ate too much chocolate and I'm not feeling very well. Don't regret anything thought.

Good luck, Dei!

Pos: Less than 2 weeks until we can move back home!